Emotional, Physical, and Sexual Abuse
Abuse, whether emotional or physical, can happen in relationship we have in life. It can happen in your partnerships, with your parents, siblings, friendships, work dynamics, or even with your children. Approximately one out of every four women experience abuse within their partnerships, while about one in ten men experiencing it. These numbers, however, only reflect reported cases, implying that countless individuals suffer silently. We all know someone who endures abuse. Abuse leaves victims feeling isolated, burdened by shame, and trapped in a seemingly insurmountable struggles to make it stop.
“Shame produces trauma. Trauma produces paralysis.”
-Bell Hooks
Many individuals commonly associate abuse with visible signs of physical harm, such as broken bones and bruises. Emotional abuse can be equally harmful, causing long-lasting damage. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is challenging to define and comprehend, leading to a tendency in our culture to downplay this form of abuse and its consequences. Regardless of how it shows up, abuse is aimed at maintaining power and control over another person. This control can result in significant negative effects, including a diminished sense of self, reduced self-worth, and the erosion of self-respect and personal dignity.
“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”
–Aisha Mirza
Signs of emotional abuse can include:
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Humiliation, insults, and criticism, such as name-calling, yelling, public embarrassment, public shaming, attempts to embarrass you, and insults disguised as “jokes”
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Sarcasm and passive-aggressive statements, highlighting your mistakes and faults, shifting the blame back to you regardless of the situation, and putting down your interests or achievements
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Isolating you from others, including monitoring where you are or who you are with, checking your phone or computer, or making you check-in if you leave the home
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Giving orders or making unilateral decisions, unreasonable demands, refusing to be pleased with you no matter what you do, and placing you in no-win situations
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“Gaslighting” or making you feel like you are crazy by denying what you know is true or minimizing your feelings
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Being unpredictable or causing chaos, especially during moments of happiness for you or other family members
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Threatening the status of your relationship, making threats of abandonment, or being jealous and accusing you of false infidelity or emotional affairs
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Shutting down communication, withholding affection, giving you the silent treatment, or trying to get others to turn against you threatening to harm you, themselves, children, or pets, or breaking objects to instill fear and intimidation
Abuse can affect anyone regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, socioeconomic status, or age. The shame that results from experiencing abuse and fear of judgment influences victims of abuse to keep the abuse to themselves.
Identifying and escaping abusive relationships can be extremely challenging due to abusers are not being consistently abusive and often possess positive characteristics that make them appealing and likable. Yet, these qualities are exhibited in an unpredictable manner, leaving the victim confused and inclined to blame themselves for the problem. The difficulty lies in accepting that a person who professes love is capable of causing harm. Various forms of abuse often coexist, including sexual, financial, religious, and physical and emotional neglect. Emotional abuse is consistently present in all abusive situations.
You are not alone and it’s not your fault. There are people who understand.