Stalking, often present in abusive relationships and is a form of abuse, involves persistent and unwanted attention, contact, harassment, or surveillance that instills fear and control over the victim. This control can lead to the victim needing to change their routine and engage in self-protective patterns for either in-person or online safety. Stalking can happen to anyone, and while more women are stalked than men, men are also victims of stalking. Stalkers can be past or current romantic partners, friends and former friends, family members, or strangers.
Defining Stalking in Abusive Contexts
Unwanted Pursuit:
Stalking entails unwanted behaviors like surveillance, following, or persistent communication aimed at intimidating or controlling the victim. Stalking is a pattern of behavior that, if viewed individually, could appear to be small acts that are harmless, yet within the pattern, can be very concerning and potentially dangerous. These “harmless” acts can include repeated phone calls, texts, emails, written notes, and gifts, even if the communication is not threatening.
Power and Control:
Abusers use stalking as a tool to exert power, instill fear, and maintain dominance over their victims. This power and control is used to change something about the victim, such as limit who they speak to or socialize with, limit their access to resources, limit them from interacting with other people, and cut them off from their support system. This can lead the victim to be fearful about who they see, what they talk about, and where they go, which further isolates them from support and increases the control and influence the stalker has over them, whether the person is stalking them physically, through messaging, or online.
Forms and Tactics of Stalking
Physical Surveillance:
Following, monitoring activities, or showing up uninvited in places without consent. Stalkers may wait outside or drive by a person’s home, workplace, car, school, or follow their victims during their daily activities. Stalkers may watch victims from a distance or visit places they know victims often go. They may even break into a person’s home or car, and/or destroy the person’s property or ability to work. They may break into the victim’s mailbox to gather information or monitor and steal the victim’s mail. They may expose or threaten to expose private or sensitive information about the victim. Stalkers may also use these tactics with people the victim knows, such as family and friends, and even the victim’s pets. Stalkers frequently enlist others to help them stalk the victim, using people to collect information about the victim, approach or watch the victim, or any other forms of unwanted contact. Sometimes these “helpers” are aware of what the stalker is doing, and other times the stalker manipulates them, as well.
Digital Stalking:
Digital stalking, or cyberstalking, is any behavior that uses technology to monitor, control, contact, or harass the victim. Since there is not a need for physical closeness, it increases the chances that the stalker can remain anonymous or can have others assist in stalking or harassing the target. Cyberstalking includes tracking online activities, hacking accounts, or sending incessant messages to maintain control or instill fear. Stalkers may create fake online accounts or emails after they have been blocked by the victim, and may use these accounts to send anonymous messages. They can also hack into the victim’s email or social media accounts. They may use social media to post messages or pictures that intimidate or embarrass the victim. Spyware is also another way stalkers monitor the victim’s use of the phone or computer, and they can track victims with GPS tracking apps or hidden cameras.
Impact and Consequences of Stalking
Psychological Trauma:
Victims experience fear, anxiety, and a loss of sense of safety, often leading to profound emotional distress. The level of surveillance and damage to their daily lives can influence fear of what else the stalker may do next or what they can do. Victims may feel fearful, unsafe, and vulnerable to engage in average daily activities, which can be confusing, hopeless, and frustrating. They can struggle with trusting others out of fear of who else the stalker has enlisted. Depression and symptoms of trauma may occur, including flashbacks, disturbing intrusive thoughts, episodes of irritability, and hypervigilance. Stalking frequently has elements of gaslighting, so the victim may begin to doubt their own perceptions, memories, and experiences. Loneliness is common, as it’s difficult for others to understand being stalked, the victim may be afraid to tell others, or the stalker is successful in isolating the victim by lying about the victim. Victims may also experience feelings of guilt or shame due to their attempts to control the situation by blaming themselves and taking on responsibility for being stalked. As they attempt to cope, victims may turn to self-harming behaviors, such as abusing alcohol or drugs, developing eating disorders, engaging in cutting, or having suicidal ideation.
Disrupted Life:
Stalking disrupts daily activities, impacts work, social life, and mental well-being. Spreading rumors can cut the victim off from their family and friends, which disrupts their ability to maintain relationships and social support. Victims may need to change social groups or change their preferred social media and online activities. Victims may need to move to another home, increase home safety, change jobs, and change phone numbers or other contact information, sometimes on a repeated basis. The psychological effects can lead to symptoms of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, strong expressions of anger, difficulty sleeping, and nightmares. Sometimes victims are too afraid to leave their home. They may frequently call out of work or have difficulty focusing, which may lead to losing their jobs and losing ability to maintain an income.
Recognizing and Help With Stalking
Awareness and Documentation:
Stalking should be taken seriously. If you are someone you know is being stalked, document incidents and keep a log of all communications. Maintain as much detail as possible. Include photographs when possible. Stalking is illegal in all states, and cyberstalking is illegal in most states. Raise awareness about the legal definition of stalking so that you know the defining characteristics according to the state where you live. If you report a stalking incident, request written documentation from the officer and the officer’s name and badge number, even if they don’t make an arrest. Keep the log in a safe place and have someone you trust know how to access it so they can access this information, if needed.
Safety Planning:
Empower victims to create safety plans, seek support, and consider legal options to protect themselves. Download safety apps, some of which can help contact someone in case of an emergency. Download apps to scan for spyware and hidden cameras. Change passwords frequently. Make sure all location sharing is turned off in all the apps used and turn off camera access on your computer. Create a list of resources and organizations who may be able to help. Consider where you, your children, and your pets can go for safety. Tell people you trust that you are being stalked and to look out for suspicious activity, and let them know to not give out personal information. Don’t talk to or communicate with the stalker, as that can encourage them to continue as they are looking for a reaction from you.
Breaking the Silence
Encouraging Support Seeking:
Provide resources and create safe spaces for victims to seek help and support. Be patient, as being stalked is abusive, and coping with it is difficult and confusing. Don’t place pressure on the victim to do what you think is needed, as this can be shaming and increase the isolation a victim is experiencing. Talk openly with the victim and don’t be afraid to bring up the topic. Victims already feel alone and keeping the conversation open and accepting destigmatizes the experience. If their direct safety is at issue, call the police.
Legal and Emotional Assistance:
Offer legal aid, counseling, and advocacy to assist victims in navigating the complexities of stalking cases. Consider contacting the police, an attorney, or other professionals who may be able to help. Consider starting therapy to obtain emotional support and help in healing from these traumatic experiences.
Stalking is a grave violation of boundaries and personal safety. Recognizing the signs, seeking support, and advocating for legal protection are crucial steps toward breaking the cycle of control and ensuring the safety and well-being of victims.