In our decision-making processes and interactions, discernment and judgment often walk a fine line. This fine line leads people to frequently interpret the use of discernment as judgment, increasing the chances for misunderstandings, defensiveness, and conflict. The nuance between the two can be difficult to identify, yet there are certain indicators that can help us identify the difference.
Understanding the disparities between them and recognizing their application is crucial. Let’s explore the differences and how to identify which path we’re treading:
Defining Judgment and Discernment
Judgment:
Involves forming opinions or conclusions swiftly, often influenced by personal biases, preconceived notions, or fixed perspectives. Judgments are reactionary, usually coming from fear, anxiety, or shame that often has a narrative attached to it that stems from whether something is good or bad, right or wrong, and a should or shouldn’t be __________. There is a finality, condemnation, and criticism about it that implies a power differential and a hierarchy that doesn’t factor in other points-of-view or differing contexts.
Discernment:
Involves a deeper insight or understanding gained through careful observation, reflection, and consideration of various factors. Discernment utilizes mindful awareness to describe what is being spoken about in a factual and radically accepting manner. It’s about seeing things as they are, right in front of us, whether we like it or not, without a narrative or bias. It’s responsive rather than reactionary. Discernment includes a curiosity, compassion, and insight that moves beyond ego, opinions, rigid standards, and societal rules. It acknowledges there are many points of view and differing contexts.
Identifying Judgment
Rash Conclusions:
Quick and rigid opinions formed without considering all available information or perspectives. These quick opinions close the door to other perspectives and truths, and whatever we are judging is immediately determined to be good or bad, superior or inferior in some way. When we judge, we make broad and general conclusions that lack boundaries. We make general evaluations rather than helpful explorations, suggestions, or open conversations. We overly praise or condemn.
Emotional Bias:
Opinions influenced primarily by emotions, stereotypes, or personal beliefs rather than objective evaluation. There is a self-righteousness that creates division between who or what is being judged. It frequently comes from feelings of fear of rejection and abandonment, anxiety, and shame. Judgment closes your mind and heart, shutting down curiosity and open discussion.
Judgments can be good or bad, with bad judgments leaving us feeling shame, embarrassment, anxiety, insecurity, jealousy, envy, or feeling less than. You often feel tense, angry, tired, heavy, frustrated, and demoralized. When judgments are good, we feel momentarily righteous and superior, yet since it comes from a subjective place and relies on external positive judgment, we soon find ourselves searching for more validation from others to continue to feel this satisfaction.
Recognizing Discernment
Comprehensive Assessment:
Taking time to gather information, evaluate different viewpoints, and consider various factors before drawing conclusions. Discernment is a conscious approach, utilizing mindful perception to see things clearly, without rigid standards or rules. Discernment helps us perceive what is working effectively and what is not to achieve the desired result, while recognizing desired results may vary. It separates one thing from another to help see something clearly and with curiosity. When we are utilizing discernment, we are usually calm, open, and grounded. We feel light, inspired, open, and energetic at the possibilities in front of you. Even when the conversation is uncomfortable, there is pleasure in growth potential.
Balanced Perspective:
Being open to diverse opinions, weighing evidence objectively, and adapting opinions based on new information. Discernment has healthy boundaries. It recognizes there are other perceptions and that others are free to choose the way they think and live without it meaning something is fundamentally right or wrong about a them or the situation. It recognizes that just because one thing exists, that other experiences, realities, and perceptions are equally valid and true, without negating the truth of one person’s experience over another. With discernment, we accept that we cannot claim to know the absolute truth, as we recognize there are many.
Cultivating Discernment
Practice Mindfulness:
Engage in self-reflection and mindfulness exercises to recognize and manage biases or emotional reactions. Notice when your thoughts or statements infer an absolute quality to what you are thinking about, and practice letting those thoughts go without focusing or ruminating. Practice observing and describing the objects or situations around you, taking out the words that imply something is good or bad to focus on using language that is more factual and objective. Practice coming from a place of curiosity, asking questions, and extending compassion and goodwill toward things that differ from your own thoughts and experiences. Let go of impulsive and quick reactions, take a pause, and paraphrase what you are observing or what someone is telling you.
Seek Diverse Perspectives:
Actively seek diverse viewpoints, challenging your assumptions, and embracing a broader understanding. Be open to other ideas and experiences. Listen to the opinions of others with the intent to listen and not respond. Practice having conversations without stating your opinion. Use active listening skills and paraphrasing what you hear. Ask questions more often than making statements, and approach topics with curiosity to understand the diversity of experiences and opinions.
Distinguishing between judgment and discernment lies in the depth of observation, introspection, and openness to different viewpoints. While discernment is frequently confused as judgment, the differences are significant. Being able to recognize the difference can help you reduce conflict, as you can know when you are judging, and you won’t misinterpret someone’s statement as judgmental.